2003-04-08 - 7:50 a.m.
Style book
A small interchange last night illustrated for me how far I've come in rebuilding my self-esteem since my first marriage. Instead of wondering why I wasn't good enough to deserve respect, I just thought "what an asshole", and left it at that. Progress. It's interesting. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~* I often sit here at my diary in the mornings, wondering what to write about. Sometimes a good idea pops up, but more often, inspiration has to be gently coaxed, then prodded, then threatened with bodily harm before I can think of anything. Not because I don't have stuff to write about, but because I want to present a certain aspect of myself when I write. How does one present oneself to the world? For me, this isn't a private diary - it's a forum for me to inflict my twisted world view on others, and as such, I have a stake in how my readers (all five of them) react to my demented scribblings. Okay, I admit it, I want to impress people with my nonchalant wit, my effortless brilliance, my sheer command of the English language. I shouldn't be writing this out loud, should I? I'll lose my aura of mystery. :) A public diary is an extended conversation where I always have the undivided (hopefully) attention of anyone who's reading. (If you're multitasking while reading this outpouring of erudity, I don't want to know. Allow me the conceit of assuming I have you riveted from the first word to the last punctuation mark.) I sometimes use this forum as a clearinghouse for any insane idea that comes my way, often as a diary of my weekend, occasionally as a place to whine, around and around on different subjects in no rational order. If you want rational, read something by a paid professional. If you want the untamed ravings of a demonic id, read my diary. Or Hunter Thompson. But enough about me. This train of thought takes us to the other diaries here on Diaryland, and how some of those writers present themselves (hopefully they're not all raving egomaniacs like me, but you get what you pay for). Some people write a straight diary, a way of letting people catch up with their lives. Others write about whatever catches their eye or their heart, sometimes passionately, sometimes with ironic distance. Still others create a dialogue with their readers, responding to guestbook and notes entries. (And some write about how much life sucks day in and day out, but they're a special subset of the Web that I like to call "Depressed Teenagers".) I'm really a bit too schizophrenic to stick with one format, though. In a parallel to my passion for buffet restaurants (they just didn't *have* anything like that in England when I was growing up), I like to nibble at one writing style for a bit, and then move on to another. I'm still finding my voice, as they say. (And some would say I use that voice too much, but we're not going there.) Still, I would say my diary style is "social commentator" most of the time. What's yours?
Dorsal - Ventral
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