2004-10-18 - 10:21 a.m.
Not Very Original...
If I were a month I would be: December - cold, snowy, and unexpectedly filled with happiness and good-will. Peace on earth will have to wait until they're done banging the pipes in my office. (A co-worker swears he saw the ceiling vibrate.) If I were a day of the week I would be: Thursday, December 2nd (I will be 35). But I was born on a Tuesday (though some may debate that, as Tuesday's child is Full of Grace, and I have shown remarkable klutz-like tendencies). If I were a time of day I would be: 2:37 PM. Unless I'm napping, then you'll have to wait until 4pm. If I were a planet I would be: Animal Planet. Hedghogs! (I might be getting one for my birthday.) If I were a sea animal I would be: Sea cucumber. Sliced thin and served in a sandwich of very soft white bread, with butter and Marmite. If I were a direction I would be: "This Way To The Egress". Or "Press 1 to hear a real live voice". If I were a piece of furniture I would be: Milk crate/concrete block bookshelf. It's all about multi-use. If I were a sin I would be: Vanity. What, you thought Anger? That causes wrinkles. If I were a historical figure I would be: Much more famous than I am now. But I've still got time. If I were a liquid I would be: What do you mean, "if"? I'm 98% water. If I were a stone I would be: Hurtling through the air. If I were a tree I would be: Much, much taller, hopefully. With my luck, I'd be a dwarf pine. Or Bonsai. If I were a bird I would be: In England, at a pub. They also use the term "darlin'". If I were a flower/plant I would be: Prickly, natch. If I were a kind of weather I would be: Blinding white-out snowstorm. Snowball fight! If I were a musical instrument I would be: Bobby McFerrin. If I were a color I would be: Er, black. Technically not a colour, but in the dark, who can tell? If I were an emotion I would be: Encouragement. If I were a vegetable/fruit I would be: Hoping somebody could find my advanced directive/living will and switch me off. If I were a sound I would be: Rapid machine-gun fire. If I were an element I would be: Glowing slightly. But I have bad luck with light bulbs. The element always seems to break. Failing that, I'd be a rather ugly car. If I were a song I would be: "Drop-kick me Jesus, Through The Goal-posts of Life". If I were a number I would be: A statistic.
Dorsal - Ventral
Funnier than me: James Lileks disclaimer!
all words copyright Laura Mellin 2000-2005
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