Angel of Death

2005-09-20 - 7:35 a.m.

I'll have those brains over easy, thanks.

Me, and everyone else born December 2...

You Are A Hornbeam Tree

You are a reserved person, looking in from the outside. Naturally attractive, you take good care of your looks. You are not egoistic, and you make life as comfortable as possible. You look for kindness in others - though you are seldom happy with yourself. A bit mistrusting and unsure, you dream of being swept away by someone unusual.

When I wrote about my sad, abandoned-looking doublet yesterday, I was thinking of the ad that shows a little kid waiting and waiting to be picked up, and the voiceover says "just tell your little brother you forgot to pick him up because you were getting stoned. He'll understand".

Well, Bob assures me that the doublet would, indeed, understand, and if I want to smoke a fattie and get high on Twinkie-related food substances, the doublet is down with that.

The doublet would like to be invited to participate next time, that's all.

That series of anti-drug ads is okay, I suppose. They're not nearly as funny as the one where the stoned kids are going through the drive-through at a fast food place, and on the fourth iteration, they run over a little kid on a bicycle. That one appears to be telling us that if you get really stoned it's going to take you four tries to run over a kid, so I guess that's a sensible message.

Pot makes you slow and not very accurate when you're trying to commit vehicular homicide. I'll keep that in mind and go with the blow instead.

Mmm-mmm, good. *snort*

(At least the anti-drug ads are entertaining; the anti-smoking ones just make me want to go out and smoke several, just for spite.)

I think there is a certain sweet justice to all the ads showing baby boomer parents trying to talk to their kids about drugs and worrying that the kid won't take you seriously because you did drugs.

Believe me, the one way to get your kids to avoid drugs completely is to say "I did drugs, and look how I turned out".

Of course, the idea that drugs turn you into a suburbia-loving, relaxed-fit chinos-wearing, Rogaine-using ex-hippie will scar the poor kid for life, but that's a small price to pay for steering him away from the evil lure of the bong.

I think a practical approach might work: "If you spend all your allowance on crack, I'm not going to give you more money to go to the movies. You have to learn to budget", perhaps.

Or: "Drugs are expensive, and a criminal conviction will fuck up your employability, so while drugs are still illegal, stick with other forms of entertainment."

Or even what my mother told me: "If you want to try marijuana, that's okay. I know people want to experiment sometimes, and it's a pretty low-risk drug. I really want you to stay away from cocaine and heroin, though, because they're really addictive, and they *will* fuck you up."

Funnily enough, that worked on me. All drugs are not equally evil, and it's nice when your parents acknowledge the truth. Plus, permission from your parents really takes the joy out of rebelling, you know?

The ad campaigns should reflect reality better, but I guess that's too much to hope for. The thing is, kids know when they're being lied to.

This is your brain. This is your brain sunny side up. This is your brain with a side of hash browns. This is your yummy, yummy brain...

...braiiiiiiiiiinnnnns...

Dorsal - Ventral

Funnier than me: James Lileks

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all words copyright Laura Mellin 2000-2005

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