2006-11-07 - 8:15 a.m.
Vote for the one you hate the least
This is my thousandth entry. Appropriately enough, it's on election day, a day to start fresh, a day to vote in new people, and, most importantly, a day to say "thank god we're going to stop getting all those commercials telling us how horrible everyone is". Seriously. The attack ads have been so bad this year. Yet, we have decided, not bad enough. I mean, if you're going to tell everyone lies about your opponent's character, why not go all the way? We came up with a few suggestions (some a bit, er, colourful): "My opponent doesn't just like puppies, he likes to eat them. Then he sucks the bones dry and throws them at poor people." "The candidate wants to give all your wages to illegal immigrants, then he wants to take your home and make it into a love nest for his fifty illegal Mexican concubines." "In college, the candidate was known as 'the goat-fucker'." "My opponent made all his congressional pages dress in slave costumes and walk backwards in front of him so he could admire their assets." "If you vote for me, I'll make sure my opponent is brought up on charges for being a farm animal-loving deviant." "My opponent is a politician." Thank you, and don't forget to set fire to the headquarters of the Republican National Committee, who collectively lowered the tone of this whole voting season to new depths.
Dorsal - Ventral
Funnier than me: James Lileks disclaimer!
all words copyright Laura Mellin 2000-2005
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