2005-03-11 - 11:27 a.m.
I'm a trained monkey now.
I have just spent the last four hours in mandatory Customer Service Training. (Yes, I don't know why they make me do it, either.) I took notes, so you all can share my pain: - Wow - that whole going around the room introducing yourself thing? I totally stutter when it's a room full of strangers. I haven't had to do that in years. - Man, the trainer's suit is pretty. I wouldn't wear it (it's not black), but it is very cute. If only she hadn't worn so much perfume... - People telling me I have to provide good customer service immediately make me want to go out and do the opposite. And I think customer service *is* important - when you have customers. But I hate it when patronizing videos state the obvious at you like it's the secret of the ages. - And they can't act. - Those invisible braces are pretty cool, if you can get past the lisp (like I, the stuttering menace can say anything about the trainer's distracting speech patterns). - Ooh... really the only thing I'm getting from the first video is that customers suck - and we're supposed to let them be rude. - Oh dear - that stupid "Lady goes into a Nordstrom's to return her tyres" story is *still* being used in service training. Don't they have a better story? Mind you, the trainer is talking about the "customer oriented" focus of Wal Mart. - ...wait, she just said "Not the one in Laurel". Well, that clears THAT up. - Video 2 is making me think it's a really good thing that I spend most of my day in my office, and hardly ever talk to anyone. - I want to make training films when I grow up. I bet I could be pretty good at it. "Channeling your hostility to create more efficient minions". Yeah... - Hey - the bad doctor's office in Video 2 is just like *my* doctor's office - except that mine also loses phone messages and forgets to renew prescriptions. - ...and the idea of the first available appointment being three weeks away? Fucking pipe dream - I have to make my yearly check-up appointment at *least* three months in advance. - Video 3 - Oh, God - Diversity. If God had meant us to respect other people's cultures, he wouldn't have made us such patronizing bastards, don't you think? - Why on *earth* would someone who opposes medical care on religious grounds even GO to a hospital? Oh, wait she thinks she's being punished by God, but the condescending murse with too much makeup is persuading her to go against forty years of religious conviction by telling her the really old joke of "man waits for God to save him and drowns instead". Yes, now we're all warm and fuzzy. - ...I can't believe the people in the room laughed at that joke. - I got a keyring! It says "I'm Key To Customer Service!". (Er, if my boss is reading this, I'm just kidding. I love learning about customer service - I live to serve.) - Must. Curb. Sarcasm. Reflex.
Dorsal - Ventral
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all words copyright Laura Mellin 2000-2005
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