2005-04-26 - 9:00 a.m.
There are no assholes in heaven
It should have been a lovely weekend, and really it was. But we lost a dear friend, a brave woman, and a hysterical partner in crime all at once. We knew she wasn't going to make it to old age - Lupus can do several things, but hers was attacking her organs, and she'd already had one kidney fail. Christ, I hope she didn't suffer. I hope she went in her sleep, and didn't even notice. She was a private woman; there was nothing she hated more than having people fawn over her like she was made of glass. She'd been through a lot - I remember when she told me she had been diagnosed, it was almost a relief, because she knew she wasn't going crazy, that something actually *was* wrong. When she lived in Maryland, the three of us - her, Bob, and I - were inseparable at events. Because of past experiences, she didn't trust many men, and Bob was someone she trusted implicitly. I remember laughing like a loon when she told me someone had asked her how long she and Bob had been having an affair. Then I told her that I was surprised people hadn't assumed we were a threesome. I was honoured that she would let me teach her fencing - for someone who had been through the things she'd experienced, letting someone hit her in the (masked) face was a huge trust issue. Thank you, Lord, for giving me a friend that trusted me that much, so that I could learn what it meant. We used to talk to each other in outrageous French accents, just to make each other laugh. I could make her laugh and cry at the same time by singing the "poor little me" birthday song. She told me all about her past, and I knew that I couldn't measure up to the bravery that she'd shown. She was the person I inadvertently sent into a huge asthma attack by giving her a quesadilla with almost raw onions in it. My namer ("You really *are* the fucking Angel of Death, aren't you?") - and after she'd said that to me, I kept trying to make her laugh by annoying the officious chiurgeon who *insisted* she be hooked up to his oxygen tank - you know, because he had one, and wanted to use it. I told her to take a bunch of deep breaths and try to get high. We have more than once turned up to go to an event wearing almost identical outfits. Silly things, little things that make it *that* kind of friendship. I can't say the word "albido" without wanting to laugh. I can't hear "Fly Me To The Moon" without picturing her singing it upside down. Damn it. The good people of the world aren't supposed to die so early. Rest in peace without pain and fear, my friend. If they ever let me into heaven (probably only on a day pass), I'm sure I'll hear a voice saying "'allo, Jzhosephiiine! I 'ave been waiteeeng to show you all my new jzhewlery. What took you so long?".
Dorsal - Ventral
Funnier than me: James Lileks disclaimer!
all words copyright Laura Mellin 2000-2005
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