2005-10-31 - 10:45 a.m.
Chills and frills
The previous entry has now been superceded by this one; for angst, hit the "dorsal" button. ...if you know what that means (mean inside joke for long-time readers). It's Halloween, the holiday that has been called "pagan" for very good reason. "Devil Worshipping" is a little off the mark, but you have to understand that sometimes the concept of "Intelligent Design" only refers to the deity, not the people. (Mean inside joke for Tristan.) Do you have a favourite scary movie? It doesn't have to be a horror movie; Some things are plenty scary with nary a monster or a drop of blood. "Ishtar", for example. If you play the DVD backwards, you can hear the producers muttering "millions down the drain millions down the drain" over and over again. I am an afficionado of the horror genre; I can watch a horror movie and know that no matter how stressful my day is, at least I'm not getting my head dissolved by acid alien blood, running away from an insane killer doll, trying to get away from my friends who are now possessed by ancient demons, or even dodging vast amounts of revoltingly green substances spewing from the mouth of someone who looks remarkably like me after too long in the sun. (My skin also sometimes spontaneously forms the words "help me", especially if I've been out in daylight too long, which would be a useful adaptive trait if it didn't also form the words "kick me" on my back every now and then.) (My skin has a juvenile sense of humour.) As you all should know by now, Zombie movies are my favourite, even though I will sit through almost anything that describes itself as a horror movie (except for maybe some of the really cheap soft porn ones). (Okay, if I can watch "Lord of the G-Strings", I can watch "Night of the Zombie Breasts" too.) I fully expect to get the director's cut of "Land of the Dead" with all the extras in my Christmas stocking this year. *ahem* I just really dig the zombie - no worries, no cares, and a cool look after about six months or so (less in warmer climates, and no sense of smell!). No one's trying to eat *you*, so you can live a fairly peaceful brain-dead existence if you choose, only pausing in your zombie routine to snack on the occasional unwary human that gets too close. Mmmmm, human. It would be cool to have little zombie pets, too - they never need feeding, and you only have to clean up after them for a few months of active decay (this period can be considerably shortened by putting them in the microwave on "low" for two hours, with the added bonus of saving more sinew to hold those cute little bones together). (It's hard to play fetch with a zombie dog that loses all its limbs after six months.) (If civilization has collapsed completely, and the generator that is your only source of electricity has run out of gas, then a traditional wood-fired smoker will do the job nicely, too.) I don't watch zombie movies for the chills, I watch them for zombie living tips. The one thing I really picked up from "Land of the Dead" was that it's really hard to form the embrochure to play brass instruments after your lips have rotted, so you might want to switch to piano, or one of the many variations of acoustic guitar. Or drums. I bet you could get some good zombie rhythm with a big drum. Rhythm and brains section. I can't wait.
Dorsal - Ventral
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all words copyright Laura Mellin 2000-2005
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