2006-02-09 - 7:41 a.m.
He went to Jared because Colonel Sanders doesn't take personal calls...
Valentine's day keeps creeping closer. I track its imminent loom by observing the sudden upswing in the "Jared: Galleria of Evil" ads. If someone in real life said to me "He went to Jared!" in an excited tone, I'd wonder why they were so excited about a 6" sub with no mayonnaise on it. It seems to me that wearing the sub could get a bit messy, especially if you get it with the oil and vinegar dressing. And really, how much love are you really going to feel when you bite into a sandwich with no mayo? I don't know why people take something perfectly wonderful like a sub and try to make it onto health food. At least no-one's tried to market a healthy ...Pizza Hut pizza; I have a deep and abiding love for the stuffed crust pizza. I love whomever it was that said "this pizza needs more cheese!" and then stuck to their vision and created one of the great pizza concepts of the twentieth century. Unlike the bastard who thought up the "popping crust" pizza - the one Slate describes as "pizza with little tumours around the edge". It's dry, needs a marinara dipping sauce something awful, and the ad campaign with Jessica Simpson makes me gag (as does the pizza if I'm not careful eating the little cheesy tumours - they're the right size for Heimliching). I do admit that pretty much anyone could sing "These Boots Were Made for Walking" better than Nancy Sinatra, but I really hate la Simpson's singing style - that kind of "I don't have enough air to hold this note" go flat, then die out method ...that half the contestants on "American Idol" seem to use as well. I kind of enjoyed the sheer evilness they display sometimes, such as the bit where they *really* played those two guys with a little too much of the ego self-love last night; showing long, fake-fawning interviews with them telling everyone how wonderful they were, and then getting cut on the first night. Talk about your television drama! I was on the edge of my seat! But not as much as Paula when scary guy jumped at her! But they sent him through even though he sucked, because they're bastards [No they didn't; she just got confused. But they *are* bastards - AoD's alter ego]. Watching other people's drama is not my favourite thing (most reality shows suck dead donkey dick), but "Idol: The tantrum years" certainly does it better than ..."Lost", which is getting increasingly weird, but not in a way that I enjoy (except for the end of last night's episode). I'm usually a bit on the overempathizing side - I tend to get all worked up over people in shows that do stupid things (which is why I can't watch "ER" any more), and getting all upset over how the "Lost" people muddle their way through while managing to misunderstand each other constantly makes Bob a bit nervous for my mental well-being (especially two weeks ago when I just lost it over how paranoid psycho people were becoming, even though I *know* that's the point). Well, I tried distancing myself from getting worked up this week, and to my dismay, I was just bored. Without the emotional involvement, they're even more annoying, because I cease to care whether they work everything out or not, and just start hoping the black smoky puff eats them all, perhaps while imitating a terrifying mutant duck-billed platypus. Next week's episode looks like it will be a little more entertaining, but you can never tell whether it really will be, or whether the preview showed the only dramatic bit in the entire show just so you'll watch ...like those previews for movies that seem to be filled with car crashes and explosions (boom! Yay!), but it turns out that the only explosion happens at the beginning and the rest is people talking about explosions (not exciting), or they actually gave away the climax of the movie where everyone blows up and the credits roll. I hate that stuff.
Dorsal - Ventral
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