2005-03-21 - 8:24 a.m.
PTBD - what is it? Well, you'll have to read my diary to find out, won't you?
Update on the Lemon Meringue Food Bars From Hell[tm]: Bob tried one of them, and actually had more than one bite. He also was seduced by the icing-like coating, the pleasing colours, and the promise of "tastes great!". However, by bite two, he was done. He said "I realized that I *could* eat the whole thing, but I couldn't think of a single reason to do so". There you have it. Stay away from Satan's meal replacement. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Friday evening was network TV watching, since we were down at the farm, and we do not have cable/satellite/magical elfin programme reception. I am an inveterate TV watcher, justifying it to myself because I can't just sit and sew without some kind of distraction. My current timeline project, moving into the 300-hour range, therefore reflects the amount of time I've spent watching TV, sort of. I probably should be more ashamed of that than I am. But how can I be ashamed when the TV gives me such food for thought? What else is going to make me scream with frustration, shudder with terror, and yell bad names? And that was just the news. Specifically, the Terry Schiavo nonsense. Anyone who actually thinks this whole political brouhaha is about the sanctity of life needs to remember that Florida is a state where not only is the death penalty still on the books, they're *proud* of the number of people they've put to death. And what part of "persistent vegetative state; no indication of possible recovery" do these people not understand? The parents I get; denial is a normal state for parents with severely injured children. But the people running the country? Don't they have better things to do than take away personal and guardianship rights? On the plus side, I got to see how "objective" *cough*bullshit*cough* the local news companies are; they *all* presented it as a *good* thing that Congress and the President are attempting to severely curtail personal rights. If they succeed on this one, how long will it take before they start nullifying advanced directives and living wills? Oh, wait, they've done that already. People should be a *lot* angrier about this. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* But, before our blood pressure goes through the roof, and we start stealing our husband's medication, we leave such highly controversial subjects and move on to the little-mentioned-except-for-cheap-laughs tragedy of Post-Traumatic Balls Disorder. Perhaps I should explain: We both like the series "Medical Investigation", not only for the scintillating plots *cough*, but the opportunity to make merciless fun of various unfortunate statements and actions from the actors. For instance, last Friday's episode featured a large earthquake in a completely fictional South American country (where everyone *except* the MI team speaks Spanish). Of *course* the head of the MI team is going to climb into a collapsed clinic and try to get one of his team out. Of *course* he's going to rush in without waiting for someone more experienced who is less likely to bring the whole building down, crushing anyone who might be alive inside (a pregnant woman and the member of his team; consider the odds of that!). Of *course* Bob and I are going to make testicle trauma jokes when the head guy slips and lands astride a beam in the collapsed building. Which brings us (after a number of extremely juvenile testicle jokes) to the heart-wrenching phenomenon of PTBD. "Hi. I'm John Travolta, and I want to tell you today about the agonizing condition known as Post-Traumatic Balls Disorder. PTBD, as it's known, is a little-researched medical condition where the testicles of a man are trapped, banged, or otherwise temporarily mangled during the course of heroic life-saving activities. "Too often this little-understood pain is attributed to stupidity or asshole heroics, but who among you has not felt a little tug at your heartstrings when you hear the plaintive cry of "It's not funny! They really hurt!" and "Can you touch them to see if they're okay?" "So, reach deep into your pockets and squeeze every last drop of compassion you can give to these brave men and... men who suffer every day with the agony of PTBD. "Some day soon, we may increase the understanding of the general public to the point where the cry of "Football in the groin! Football in the groin!" will elicit winces of sympathy instead of cruel, mocking laughter. Some day we hope to cradle the balls of all men in the hand of Compassion, but only if Compassion is a girl. "Thank you." But we'll have to wait and see if Congress writes a law to cover this worthy cause. Knowing their track record, they'll probably recommend castration as a "compassionate" cure.
Dorsal - Ventral
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all words copyright Laura Mellin 2000-2005
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