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2005-06-03 - 8:18 a.m.
Passable Wars
You can check out what my father's been doing for the past couple of months here. Go to "news", and click on "Ocean Odyssey". That's a picture of him. Yes, my father is 79. My mother is 80. Want to make something of it? Like Princess Leia, I am an adopted child - my mother was in her mid-forties when I came along. My grandparents were born in the 19th century. My mother remembers WWII quite clearly (she was 13 when it started). I have always been comfortable with the fact that my parents are the age of some people's grandparents. Because, as the JST website clearly shows, my parents are cool. I hope I'm doing stupid suicidal things when I'm 79, too. Back to Princess Leia. Well, to the movie at least. I enjoyed it - except for the romantic scenes, because GL can't write romantic dialogue worth crap. Bulleted thoughts, because I still have a lot of work to do: * Pregnancy obviously follows a different timeline for Naboo-ians - I think Padme was pregnant for all of six weeks, or something.
* And there's no *way* two enormous (six-month-old) babies came from that body. Nope. Uh-uh.
* Could Anakin have been any *more* wooden? He was like a mannequin (Manakin!) with a pout. His "what have I done?" was more suited in tone to someone who has mistakenly put salt into their coffee instead of sugar (and I think most coffee drinkers could still have mustered more emotion for something like that).
* Dig the whole "building Darth Vader" scene. That's some funky trousers, right there. Nice codpiece, too.
* Was it just me, or were Ewan MacGuiness's eyes changing colour all the time? Was there a point to that, or was it just some random thing that no-one bothered to explain? I mean, I understand that going over to the dark side makes you run out and get scary contact lenses, but the whole "whoops! They're brown! No, they're blue!, Oh, wait, they're brown again!" thing was... distracting.
* Palpatine *makes* the movie. Kudos to wrinkly old whats-his-name (Ian McDairmid). Gayest Emperor *ever*. Great stuff.
* Natalie Portman traded any chance of good lines for extra movie options, I'm guessing. Bob was extremely frustrated at how *stupid* Padme was in this movie (admittedly, some of our senators are pretty brain-dead, too, but *still*).
* Argh. Enough with the cute "foreshadowing" to the first three movies. We get it. Besides, half of them didn't even make sense.
* No ewoks. Big bonus points.
* Minimal Jar-Jar. Big bonus points.
* Excellent General Greivous skull action. Big bonus points.
* Too much stale romance. Sorry, all bonus points revoked. Last movie, I said it was like watching your parents kiss. This was even worse - like kissing your sister, or something. No, wait - like being forced to go to Prom with your sister. Eurrgh.
* Lame Jedi deaths. Does anyone aside from me think they should have at least *sensed* something, if they're all supposed to be Jedi Masters? Dude - that one chick got it in the *back*.
I still liked it, though. I didn't get the *rush* I did watching the very first one, but then, I didn't get the same rush from the second two Matrix movies, either. Part of the excitement is from seeing something totally new, and you can't re-create that.
I do wish, there had been more chemistry, though - it's not enough to cast someone as the central character because he's tall.
Dorsal - Ventral
Funnier than me: James Lileks disclaimer!
all words copyright Laura Mellin 2000-2005
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