2005-11-07 - 9:13 a.m.
'splosions.
I was going to watch the end of the world last night, but the football game ran long. Specifically, the charmingly badly-acted miniseries "event" (for network TV values of "event") about a huge storm system that apparently really, really hates Randy Quaid and Gina Gershorn (called "Category 7: The End of The World", or something. You should see if they cover it on Television Without Pity). Now, I laugh like all the others at these poorly-done network "events", but I have a sneaking soft spot for them - like I do for "The Towering Inferno" and "The Poseidon Adventure" - bad megamovies that have every semi-famous actor you can think of in weird supporting roles that have *nothing* to do with the plot. And Robert Wagner. Robert Wagner is *always* in these things. Gina Gershorn, by the way, makes a no less believable head of FEMA than whomever they have right now, and I'm pretty sure the real head of FEMA doesn't have the luscious lips that are responsible (in part) for the current rash of Hollywood types hitting the lip collagen a little too enthusiastically. (I'm looking at YOU, Meg Ryan.) At least, that's what Bob says, and he's seen Gina Gershorn naked in at least one movie, so I'm sure he's an expert. (I'll try and find out what movie that was, and let you know. He says there's another naked woman in it too, but the name rang no bells. It's probably on Mr. Skin (totally NOT work-safe).) We ended up watching the two hour "Criminal Intent", which was superbly acted, well-plotted, and engaging, but had a serious lack of large-scale destruction (if you don't count careers, families, and general emotional well-being, and we don't). I'm all about the planetary destruction. I will watch "The Day After Tomorrow" just for the bit where downtown Los Angeles has something like seven tornadoes ravaging it, and the bit where the British helicopter crew goes down because the air is freezing), and fast-forward through the rest (especially the bit where Sela Ward *whines* into the phone that she's so happy to hear from her son, thereby establishing herself as the most annoying *and* useless character in the movie, and I'm surprised the little cancer-ridden kid didn't strangle her with his IV line). To what do I owe this great pleasure in watching terrible things happen to our delicate/fragile/endangered/ecosystem/planet/human spaceship? I blame the BBC - for some reason, on every major holiday, we got "The Towering Inferno" and "The Poseidon Adventure". Especially at Christmas. We watched it every year (and "The Wizard of Oz", which, while technically not a disaster movie, does feature a tornado), and I loved it. I mean, I really *love* disaster movies. I love the bits in regular movies where things collapse and explode, and any program where something terrible happens to buildings is all right by me. For instance, my favourite Teletubbies episode is where TinkyWinky accidentally hits the wrong switch in the nuclear plant and the giant sun baby gets blown up. You didn't see that episode? Well, it was good. You should watch *all* the episodes in case they show it again. Trust me. As it turned out, most of the bad stuff in the current Miniseries of the Moment is going to happen next Sunday - we'll see the White House miniature get knocked about a bit by a technician in a tornado suit, Some bad stuff will happen to New Yorkers, and they might explain why terrorists (domestic, judging by the LLBean ski masks) stole a bus of people (you know, as opposed to anything useful), and maybe, just maybe, find out what they're going to call the supergiantmegamega storm they're showing on the computers at FEMA while Gina Gershorn pouts thoughtfully and opens another button on her blouse. They've already had the "Perfect" storm, so this one will need an even better name. The Superperfect Storm. The Evenbiggerthanthelastone Storm. The Really Great Storm. I'm voting for The Fabulous Storm. Mmmm, fabulous. Like Gina Gershorn's lusicious, shiny, pouty lips. FEMA-licious.
Dorsal - Ventral
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